Steps to build self confidence

Imagine what life would be if we could stand before the mirror and focus on what we cherish about ourselves rather than what we wish we could change

It seems that a lot of times, most of us turn to negative thinking, paying attention to our so- called flaws. We are not only bombarded with pictures of famous people and “perfect” models on TV, magazines and billboards, even the app we refresh every possible chance we get – Instagram – can be a major culprit. Constantly feeding us with aesthetically-pleasing pictures of “perfect” people living their “perfect” lives, who have most likely gone through layers of filter to curate that perfection. And the result? A never ending supply of edited images and a load of viewers feeling inadequate and self-conscious in their own skin.

And just like that, you have endless unrealistic expectations you have to fulfill. What we should look like, the latest designer items we have to own, the tiny bikinis we have to start fitting into, the lavish lifestyles we have to start living! As technology advances and we’re more connected to the world wide web than ever, it seems that our self esteem is rapidly declining. My nerdy self has read a few articles on this topic and what I found is that there is a definite link between social media usage and low self esteem. It literally takes a person seconds on Instagram to feel rubbish about themselves. For instance, you can be on your feed and next thing you know you’re on your ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s best friend’s page wishing you had abs as solid as hers. (true story bro!)

To top it all, many of us have internalised negative comments from our past that has stuck like glue in our heads. We’re more likely to remember one negative comment from a first-class asshole than we are to remember all the wonderful compliments. In my case, I’ll always remember when this moron told me I need to “make” a thigh gap, but I don’t remember when someone told me I have the nicest hair she has seen!

Building your self esteem takes work. If you have very poor body image, it can take years to repair. Why not start now? There are so many things you can do to build yourself up and undo a lifetime of low self esteem. So, here are a few tips I learnt to slowly come out of that bad phase and start my #selflove journey, and I hope I can help someone out there too!

Nobody is 100% perfect

What is the meaning of “flawless”? How does one measure “flawlessness”? When you ask yourself these questions, chances are, you won’t be able to think of a definite answer because “flawless” does not exist in the human race. It is merely an misogynistic idea than it is a reality!
Aiming for perfection will only let a person down because when you don’t achieve that perfect goal, you will be left feeling miserable. So, the next time you flip through a Cosmopolitan mag or click on the “explore” tab on Instagram, please do yourself a favour and take everything with a pinch of salt. Try not to get too caught up in it. If you’re feeling low about yourself, it might be a good idea to have a social media detox/cleanse! 

Appreciate You

I know this part takes time and effort, but I guarantee you, it works! When you have some free time, take note of everything you like about yourself and write it down. When you’re feeling rubbish about yourself, revisit the list to remind yourself of all your wonderful and positive attributes. As your self esteem improves, you might find more of yourself that you have started to notice and love. See the correlation here? 

Confidence stems from you

Nothing bad happens when people compliment others. do allow yourself to accept compliments from people but don’t let this be your main source of confidence. Ultimately, confidence is going to come from within you. Sure, it’s nice to have reassurance from others that you look good, but you want to look and feel good from within and that means you have to do certain things to make yourself feel that way! The one thing that I have been doing is to set standards for myself and to catch myself when I think I’m not good enough, I can’t have, won’t get or aren’t good enough to get what I want. When that happens, I tell myself that my mindset is everything and so, gotta stay positive and dynamic!It’s not easy, but it is do-able!

Take Care of You

I know I have been slacking in this department lately, but this tip here is so effective in making you feel good about yourself. Move your body regularly and eat healthily. Working out and setting goals can help you feel great both physically and mentally. A balanced diet is key, as well. That being said, you shouldn’t compulsively over-exercise or obsessively count calories. Even though my PCOS and Hypothyroidism limit me from eating all that yummy carbs by the loads, I still occasionally indulge because what’s life without greasy fries and chocolate brownies! It’s tough to balance, but try to focus on the internal benefits of a healthy lifestyle rather than the external ones.

Conclusion: I learned to love myself, and in turn, developed a better body image than I’ve ever had before just by trying and executing these few steps. There’s no reason why you can’t too!

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5 ways to style your confidence

People who know me well would unanimously agree that I am a super laidback person when it comes to personal style. I used to still do end up choosing comfort over style and most of the time, dressing up would mean putting on a t-shirt, jeans and a pair of boring flats. I also used to play it safe by opting for all black, errrthing black as I was conditioned to think that I would look slimmer in dark clothings. Being bigger than a typical Malaysian girl also made me crazy insecure about dressing up because it was so effin hard to actually find something that fit and look fantastic on me at the same time!

On rare occasions when I did find something that fit perfectly and made me look good, I would have to bear the excruciating torture of being uncomfortable in that attire. I swear, I have had my share of sucking in my tummy the whole time and sitting down in a very awkward slant to avoid tearing the zipper apart! Due to the lack of confidence that stemmed from all the horrible experiences I have had, I managed to convince myself that I should just stick to my old & unshapely clothes.

It was only when I discovered the delightful world of curvy / plus size fashion that I realised how tough I was on myself for constantly being ashamed of my body! Watching beautiful curvy / plus size women doing all the things I had always wanted to do but was too ashamed to inspired me to make the change. I took baby steps to creep out of my comfort zone to try new styles, learnt tips and tricks to style my body shape and invested in clothes that made me look great.

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Currently, I am trying to live a life of wholesomeness (is this even a word?), find happiness in little things that matter and to be more body confident. So i thought, why not share my tips to inspire someone today!

Without further ado, here are 5 steps I took to help me find my style and feel more confident at the same time:

1. COMFORT vs TREND

With Instagram being the ultimate platform for fashion inspiration and latest trends, it is important to always remember that comfort is key to confidence. Personally, I could never wear those Instagram cult crochet bikini tops that barely cover anything (although i do own one, thanks to Instagram) because we don’t want no Tatas falling out now, do we?

On the other hand, does anyone else feel the same kind of affection for culottes as I do? Culottes was an accidental purchase that changed the way I thought about flared bottoms, having always heard fashion advice to stay away from split skirts as they enhance the hips and butt! Boy, were they wrong! Culottes not only looks great on Curvies, the added advantage of air flowing between your legs is just wonderful, especially in this humid heat!

LRG_DSC01932Jazz up your favourite plain top with a pair of floral culottes for a casual yet classy look

So yes, I am all for the latest trends and I encourage every person out there to experiment with new styles, get adventurous with colours and wear whatever the hell you want, just be comfortable in what you wear because there is nothing more awful than to see someone constantly tugging her mini skirt to keep it from riding up!

2. INSPIRE YOURSELF TO LOVE YOURSELF

This was a stepping stone for me to start loving myself and accepting my body. It was quite emotional for me as I realised that for years, I was doing so much harm to my personal wellbeing due to my weight issues. All the courageous interviews of curvy superstars like Ashley Graham allowed me to rethink the concept of beauty. Speaking of Ashley Graham, she is my numero uno in role models because she is not only a smokin’ hot size 16, she also exudes so much charisma that put other more popular models to shame!

ashley-graham.jpgAshley Grrrraham

For those of you who are struggling to find a way to love yourself unconditionally, go do some research. Find inspirational bloggers / influencers that you can relate to for their similarities and what you are looking for, follow them on social media, and enjoy getting inspired! Read on how they deal with their body / weight issues, how they dress their problem areas and most importantly, admire all the beautiful people that come in all shapes and sizes! I guarantee you will somehow feel better about yourself because personally, I began to feel like I was not alone anymore, dealing with all these big girl problems and that it was absolutely unnecessary for me to hate myself. Also, do yourself a huge favour and stop following social media pages and reading magazines that make you feel shit about yourself. Who has the time to flip through pages after pages of heavily airbrushed thin, vibrant, wrinkle and jiggle-free models anyway?!!

2. LOSE THE WEIGHT OR LOSE THE STYLE?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have stupidly induced rapid weight loss for so many reasons. In my pursuit of “perfection”, I once lost 2 dress sizes for a wedding, only to pile on double the weight after the function. Why, you may ask? Well, I loved the dress and I wanted to buy it for the occasion but the largest came in a size 12. So i bought the dress, starved myself silly and fit it eventually!

Was it worth it? at that time, yes! I spent all my efforts trying to achieve a thinner frame but the harsh consequences of me starving and keeping away from food led me to balloon up due to post starvation binge-eating. For years, I avoided buying nice clothes because I convinced myself I would slim down and would not be able to wear them anymore, leading further to a series of dissapointments when I did not achieve the weight loss.

To avoid being such a drama-mama like I was, please be kind to yourself and do not self-negotiate. Instead, reward yourself to the things you like for the simplest reasons (a job promotion or a successful goal achievement), go shopping with good friends or family who will motivate you to look and feel good, get something in your current size and not a size smaller or bigger. Lastly, convince yourself that you deserve nice things no matter what the size charts tell you! Keep in mind that life is too short for self-negotiations and that the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is investing in YOU.

4 . REPEAT AND RECORD FAVOURITE OUTFITS

Everyone has their own special / favourite outfits. When I find a favourite outfit, I will “spam” on it until it loses its shape and colour! All I am saying is, it is not a fashion crime if you repeat a particular style or outfit that looks good on you. If you have found your go-to style, such as putting on dresses that help elongate your body frame or wearing crop tops that show off that curvy torso, then go ahead and rock that look!

As for me, I am obsessed with comfortable outfits like jumpsuits and summer dresses, and, if given a choice, I would wear them everywhere! I am still experimenting with new styles that work for me and have yet to find more trendy outfits that complement my body shape. Invest in a good full sized mirror, take outfit selfies and pictures to help you get a better view of how you look in them. This not only helps to give you the positive boost you need before walking out the door, it is also a great way to archive the looks that make you feel and look amazing for future references!

5. WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”

~Shirley MacLaine

This one here is no picnic, y’all! It is the hardest part of making changes for yourself. However, it is not unachievable. With so many nosy people out there who have a million things to say about you, it is only fair that you learn to give less f***s about what they say and focus on yourself, right?

I am sure everyone out there has had to deal with unexpected negative comments. Here’s how I manage when I am faced with these unavoidable situations: I “throw away” negative thoughts in my daily journal before I sleep at night. This helps me “detox” all the bad thoughts I develop throughout my day. Alternatively, when interacting with a Negative Nancy who knows more about me than I do, I try to protect the positive space around me. If this weirdo’s negativity is intense, I usually choose to flight the situation. Note: It takes a lot of effort to master this skill and I am still learning to control that positive/negative vibe thing.

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Believe you can and you will

To conclude, confidence is something we build throughout time. Some of us take more time to build it and some are quicker at developing this trait. My dear friends, life is just too short for us to worry about what others think of us. If you are confronted by someone who tells you something hurtful, flash them your prettiest smile, and walk away. Nothing makes them more uncomfortable than a positive response to their hateful comments. Oh, last but not least, give yourself a pat on your back for keeping it cool and rising above these lowlifes!

Happy Tuesday, lovelies!

 

© COPYRIGHT 2018 CURVY KAUR. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

 

 

30 fun facts about me!

Hey there my beautiful friends!

I was contemplating for days whether to do a random “fun fact about me” post and I figured, hell yeah! It is fun to sit down and think of quirky bits about me. Also, a post like this may help my lovely readers get to know me a little more beyond pictures of me spreading love and positivity!

So let’s get started!

  1. Ever since i was a little girl, I had always dreamed of becoming a commercial aircraft pilot.
  2. My mum tagged along to give me support when I got my first tattoo at the age of 18.
  3. Airplanes and flying fascinate me.
  4. I love watching DIY videos, but I am ho-rri-ble at making anything from scratch.
  5. I can watch ratchet/stupid reality tv shows for hours. KUWTK woot woot!
  6. I finished my Piano course (Grade 8) but still don’t enjoy playing the instrument.
  7. I can’t live without my phone, deodorant, my glasses and Malaysian food.
  8. I am terribly awkward at small talk.
  9. Forever dilemma part I – to hug or to shake hands?
  10. Forever dilemma part II – one or both cheek air kiss?
  11. I am a class A Germaphobe. Get away from me E.Coli!
  12. I have a pretty deep cleft chin which gets quite a lot of attention.
  13. My embarrassing childhood crush was Peter Andre. I know, ew.
  14. I am easily distracted when engaged in a conversation because I have my own conversations in my head going on at the same time.
  15. Back in Form 4, I celebrated Diwali in hospital after being diagnosed with a severe  case of Dengue fever.
  16. I have a love-hate relationship with shopping malls.
  17. I have done quite a number of dances performances for events and weddings.
  18. Once, I randomly walked into a tattoo parlour in Perth and got a nape piercing, which I had removed before going for a surgery not long ago.
  19. No matter how hot the temp is, I need to sleep with a thick blanket / comforter.
  20. Edward Scissorhands was my ultimate favourite movie as a child.
  21. My actual name was supposed to be Jasmine but my Granddad insisted on naming me Narin.
  22. For the life of me, I cannot bake anything. Including easy-peasy Betty Crocker’s!
  23. Some of my bucket list includes skydiving, flying a small airplane, ski-ing down a snowy mountain, Coachella, building a happy place for all the abandoned and stray doggies, attempting G. Ramsay’s complicated scrambled eggs recipe because it looks legit delicious!
  24. I have trouble remembering things so I have 2 different apps on my phone to help me remember important dates and to-do’s.
  25. I love being in water and can swim play all day long. Err, wrinkly fingers excite me?
  26. I love love love eating anything with Nutella in it.
  27. My worst beauty mistake was going blonde. Thick black eyebrows and yellow-blonde long locks. Need it say more?
  28. Yes, I am a certified closet worry wart. I worry about everything and it annoys the closest people to me.
  29. Being a grown ass woman, I am still afraid to sleep in the dark alone.
  30. When i shop, I fill my basket up with tons of stuff. Along the way, I contemplate and take out unnecessary items one-by-one. I usually end up purchasing 2 out 25 items.

I enjoy knowing eccentric things about other people too. In fact, I would love to read some facts about my readers in the comment section as this would be a great way to get to know you guys a little bit! Go on now, tell me something crazy about you!

Have a blessed weekend, y’all!

© COPYRIGHT 2018 CURVY KAUR. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

 

 

 

Love thy booty

A couple of months ago, I was walking in Bangsar to get lunch when someone approached me on the street to ask me about the jeans I was wearing that day! Although I was in kind of a hurry, I was happy to stop to speak to her as she sounded so genuinely curious. She exclaimed that she couldn’t find the right pair of jeans because, in her exact words: “I have a big butt like yours!

Mind you, I did not take any offense at all! Any other person who did not think like I do would’ve set this woman in her 20s on fire. I didn’t think that this woman was criticizing my body shape and my outlook, instead, she thought she probably could relate to me. And so I briefed her on some tips and tricks to dress a pear-shaped body, shook hands and I went on to get my lunch.

While I ate my lunch, I pondered that woman’s statement to me. I thought to myself, if that exact statement was said to me about 3-5 years ago, I would’ve driven myself crazy! I would’ve been so embarrassed and would probably starve myself that night hoping to lose the butt in the morning. I would’ve dressed in unshapely pants for months expecting to hide the voluminous part of my hips. Heck, I would not have made it to lunch without shedding some salty tears!

All the bad memories of how I was body shamed in my younger days came flooding in. I remember how it bothered me so much. My friends would poke and make fun by calling me names that characterized the shape and so-called-enormity of my butt. Some of my family members who were “kind” enough to have my best interest in mind were intentionally and unintentionally body shaming me, for instance, by making me sit in the front passenger “so 4 can sit comfortably behind.” Oh, how could I forget this one time before a relative’s wedding when one lovely family member had told instructed me to slather on more makeup to take the attention away from my big butt and wide hips! *Roll eyes*

Coming back to the now, I am so glad to have really grown to learn and love my body. I have grown to accept that I have a larger butt. I even find it humorous that the word backside is synonymous with gluteus maximus because errr… I have a Maximus butt! I no longer attempt to manipulate my natural body shape, instead, I work out to sweat and feel healthier and light. I’m no Kardashian and will probably never live that lavish lifestyle, but I am blessed with countless opportunities to enjoy living in the body I love, to do the things I want to do and to tick off my bucket list one-by-one! I even take compliments and criticisms graciously because one way or another, people are curious to know how it feels like to have a boom-boom-pow bum. Truth be told, when I see another equally endowed woman, I tend to feel a certain connection like we are an extended family, pun intended.

If someone tells you that you’re not beautiful, turn around and walk away so they can have a great view of your fabulous ass!

~ Miley Cyrus ~

To all my followers and readers out there, please bear in mind that there are millions of different body types in this world and despite what our chauvinistic mainstream culture would have us think, no two persons are meant to look identical. I certainly am not meant to have a petite bum and perhaps someone out there may attempt 100 squats a day and still not achieve a Kylie Jenner butt! It saddens me to hear so many beautiful women say “I am so fat and I need to lose the tummy.” and all I see is a normal petite girl with no fat roll whatsoever to lose. I used to say those same things to myself all the time but it did nothing to me except bring me down even lower with my self-esteem. To all the girls, ladies, gorgeous women out there, please don’t do that to yourselves because when you hold your bodies to absurd societal standards and try to look like stereotypical magazine models or celebrities, you make it crazy difficult to really love yourselves!

Remember, everybody’s body moves differently. Work out, exercise those muscles and bones to stay healthy, eat nutritious foods and drink lots of water. Keep those positive vibes up and negativity low and you will soon notice the difference – the difference in the level of self-confidence and happiness. Because until and unless you learn to treat your body with love and respect, no one will.

Question of the day

Which part(s) of your body do you love?

 

Love,

Curvy Kaur

 

© Copyright 2018 Curvy Kaur. All Rights Reserved