What 2018 taught me

HAPPY NEW YEAR Lovelies!!

2018 was a crazy year of ups and downs for me. From putting my idea of starting my own curvy fashion line to play to losing a major work contract due to negligence from my part, 2018 was indeed a mind-blowing adventure. I must say, I learnt so much about myself and my surroundings last year. I’m sharing what I learnt with hopes to inspire you to have the best year ahead!

Things don’t always happen when I want them to

One of the biggest lessons I learnt in 2018 was that despite careful plans put in motion, sometimes things just don’t happen when you most expect it to. I learnt this lesson the hard way. For instance, my husband and I worked so hard to get a few work contracts but because of the recent change of ruling government, all our hard work was thrown out the window in a flash. We didn’t get the contracts, we cried, we were bitter but we knew that life had to move on. And that is just one instance. So, I believe now that patience is an effing virtue. You work hard, be patient and things will happen for you, somehow.

Step outside my comfort zone

Trust me when I tell you this. I am in the initial stages of planning for my curvy fashion line and I honestly have no clue what I am doing. But I am doing things slowly, learning what different fabrics are for, how one piece of cloth looks different on various body shapes. It is never easy and quite frankly, sometimes annoying when I don’t understand something. But, I learnt that everything happens just outside your comfort zone.  This project I am working on challenges me, and I am starting easy and building on that. So, slightly push yourself on a regular basis so you don’t become stagnant.  When you do, build your character and inch closer to what you want to achieve.

Be grateful for everything that I have

Even though 2018 was a little difficult, it could always be a lot worse. I have to be grateful for all the wonderful things I do have in my life because, in the past, I used to hope and dream for these very things. Sometimes we can get caught in this trap of always wanting more or wanting what we don’t have and this can really destroy our happiness. I’m very lucky in so many ways, for being married to an incredible guy and blessed with good friends and family. We can afford to live a comfortable life and get our Latte fixes and Sephora hauls whenever we want to. I’m healthy, I am happy being in business with my husband that we get to work on my own terms. Man, I can go on because there is just so much to be grateful for. So guys and girls, it is so easy to be envious looking at what others have and you don’t, but just stop for a second and alter your train of thought to all the good that’s happening in your life. You will change the way you think, trust me.

Be money savvy

I was taught to value money from a young age. My mother used to only give me enough to buy a meal at the school canteen. I grew up learning that saving is a priority and that I must save even as little as 50 cents a day just to see it grow. Of course, when I grew older, things weren’t as easy anymore with all the mortgages and bill payments. Money is an extremely stressful concept. But it doesn’t always have to be. Budget your money and watch how you are spending it. Make sure your priorities are in line and only splurge on that Gucci bag if you have already allocated enough for the necessary stuff! True story: a few years ago, I made a blunder when I bought a slightly expensive item without thinking about my pending payments. Urgh, that shit was harsh when I had to return it to the store! So my advice, be smart enough to decide between saving your money or spending it on a material you don’t need.

Celebrate YOU

I have struggled for God-knows how long with my self-confidence. Ever since I started becoming more active on Instagram with the whole #bodypositive posts, I am not only helping other curvy girls with their self confidence, but I am helping ME get over this whole body-shaming rubbish that I have been struggling with. Putting yourself down and negative self-talk comes easy, and you forget all the small wins you have under your belt. If you set a goal of not eating junk food and kept up with it for a week, give yourself a treat for that! If you finished your assignment before time, reward yourself with that dress you’ve been eyeing! This practice focuses your mind on the positive things you’ve done and reframes your thinking. When you focus on the small wins you build momentum which carries over in all areas of life.

My path will change and it’s OK

I have a degree in Psychology and I thought I would be working in a hospital and talk people out of their depression. Instead, I went into business with my husband. And now, I’m working on starting my own business! I mean, how the hell did I just wake up one day and think of a bright idea like building a curvy fashion brand when I run to my Mom for help to sew a loose button?!! It sounds insane, it’s probably insane but I’m doing it nonetheless! If you have a job that you hate or are stuck in a shitty relationship, get out of it and find a better one! Don’t stick to it just to be consistent. You have the right to leave the path you’re on and go toward a new direction, darling.

It’s not my job to take action for other people

This year, I had a rude awakening of how some family members can turn out to be the most toxic people in my life. My husband and I helped as much as we could but in the end, we became the bad guys. What I learnt from this whole Bollywood drama is that even if you only want good for someone, only they can take action to improve their lives (or in the Bollywood drama that we starred in, destroy their lives). Even if it is painful to be treated this way, i am (still) learning to not take people’s mean actions to me personally. So, just focus on building yourself and don’t force relationships that are one-sided cause it will only end up hurting you. We don’t want that now, do we?

Notice the little things

I know I probably sound like a wannabe guru but I like taking notice of my surroundings. Notice how people smile at you, notice the waiter’s new haircut, notice how happy or sad someone feels, notice how your friend progressed on her weight loss journey, notice how your Mom prepares dinner, notice how a stranger opens up a door for another stranger, notice how a father will quietly put the good chicken pieces on his daughter’s plate. Just take notice all these little acts of kindness. It’s everywhere, it’s beautiful and it’s good for the soul.

Make time for myself

Living in KL or any city in the world can be super busy and stressful. You have work, a family to look after, a spouse to please, friends to see, people to meet and traffic to be stuck in. All these commitments can leave you with an emotional/mental strain. My life is not too crazy but I do have moments when everything happens all at once and that just drives me insane! I came up with a solution to my problem of constantly feeling overwhelmed – I schedule time-outs for myself to do something I enjoy.  I usually randomly cook a meal, giving myself just that 1-2 hours of peace without speaking to anyone, to work my mind to build the recipe, to try new dishes (and the food usually turns out bloody good!). I also use the “Headspace” app to meditate and just be in my zone for a few minutes. These are just my ways of de-stressing and enjoying my me-time. So, think of something that you will enjoy as a me-time activity and do it! I’m sure you will come back fresh as a mug!

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I could go on, but I think these few lessons can help me (and hopefully my readers) enough to brave this new year. 

Please feel free to list some of your life lessons in the comments section as it would be great to learn what others have learnt from their 2018. I hope you all have an amazing 2019 and keep that positivity going people!

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12 Curvy Girl Struggles

I have been curvy/plus size most of my life and I have certainly come to love me the way I am. I secretly do at times wish I was a couple of sizes smaller (only for the sake of wearing nice clothes that fit well), but at the same time, many girls wish they had my curves! I’ll have to admit, being curvy is actually pretty darn AWESOME!

I consider myself blessed to be curvy, but living in this body comes with some struggles. So, if you are a curvy girl wanting to know if someone else shares your big girl qualms, or if you are not on the curvy side but don’t mind a little insight (and a little laugh) as to how we curvy girls do it, read on:

1. Nothing fits you well.

If it fits you well on the arms, it might be too tight at the waist. Sometimes, the pants might fit well at the waist, but it will be too short because your big ass pulled everything up! I once tried on a beautiful blouse with lovely prints but I couldn’t purchase it because it couldn’t even go down my boobs! Imagine my frustration at that time, knowing that blouse was the biggest size available in that shop!

2. Forever 21 what?

You can shop at large retails like HnM, Forever 21 and Zara only in your dreams. In Malaysia and other Asian countries, it’s like winning a lottery if you manage to snag yourself some nice clothes that fit well from these retail outlets! I mean, most of their clothes go up to size UK 16 max, how rude!

3. Online shopping is a breeze. Not.

Forget shopping online. Don’t even bother with their sizing charts because those charts tell lies. I once purchased a dress online by trusting their sizing chart and I was shocked when I received my order. The dress looked like it could only fit my neighbour’s 13-year-old daughter. So, if you are curvy/plus size and feeling adventurous to shop online, be prepared to order two sizes and return the one that least fits (that too, if they accept returns and exchanges)

4. Sexbomb all day

Instantly turn a decent outfit into something “sexy” or “slutty”. Even a basic loose dress may look like a bodycon dress on a curvy body. We are only left with two choices when it comes to outfits: Either we wear huge sweaters that make us look like 3,895 kilos OR wear a basic dress and walk around in broad daylight looking like Salma Hayek ready for a fiesta!

5. Stretch is porno

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Ask any curvy/plus size girl about stretchy jeans and jeggings and you will hear her rave on about it for hours. Trust me, non-stretchy jeans and denim are a big no-no for girls with bigger everything. Personally, I survive on stretchy jeans and comfy jeggings. Also, jeggings are god-sent for those bloated and “fat” days because they hug the extras and don’t make us feel like somebody is squeezing the life out of us!

6. Tugging is cardio

Denim shorts look like underwear on us. Not only do we show off more than what we are comfortable showing, we also suffer crazy thigh chafing caused by repetitive friction. No amount of baby powder or deodorant stick can help. oh, and dare i forget the arm workout we do to tug our shorts down a thousand times when they ride up?

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Speaking of tugging, let’s talk strapless bra.  Strapless bras and big boobs don’t get along, ever! Our boobs are too heavy for bras that don’t have any support.  Even though we buy our perfect fit and size, it never properly fits and we look idiotic trying to reposition our bra every two minutes.

7. No clothes sharing

Like one of your friend’s outfit? Feel like borrowing your friend’s clothes for a date? Forget about it. Chances are they won’t fit because none of your friends are the same size as you are. Also, you risk stretching your friend’s clothes out so just stick to your own closet and deal with it gurl!

8. Hello Jiggly Puff

Imagine running on the treadmill and with a bagful of rocks attached to your butt and boobs. That’s how we feel when we run and it is mortifying. Not only is running harder for us, we cannot help the not-so-graceful jiggle that follow. But we are absolutely cool (not) with it and will continue to try to jiggle away our coat of cellulite.

9. Ass-ets in your face

Our bulging assets don’t usually allow for tight manoeuvring through chairs and tables. We literally say a silent prayer before walking through small spaces because we know we risk hitting something or someone. Going to the movies require some planning – like toilet visit before the movie and limited soda intake – so you don’t pull a mid-movie pee break and graze your butt into people’s faces on you way out.

10. All about the Bass

We don’t fancy being associated with “fat” girl songs. Thanks to Meghan Trainor and Nicki Minaj for their song contents, we get THAT look from everyone when their songs play because they expect you to dance like you own the song! Rappers are constantly trying to tell you what to do with your ass – drop it low, back that ass up and what have you these day. Thanks for the compliments but no, I don’t like “Anaconda” and I will not twerk for you dickwits.

11. Boob emergencies

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I carry safety pins in my bag and my car for boob-gap fashion emergencies. See, button-down shirts always pop open at the boob area, giving viewers a good sight of our cleavage (sometimes we walk around flashing our boobs the whole day without knowing). If we curvy girls want to avoid this problem from happening, we’ll have to get a size up. But this also means we now look like we borrowed our Grandpa’s shirt to work.

12. Spanx me silly

Almost every girl I know dislike wearing Spanx or shape wear. We curvy/plus size girls HATE them. Although shape wear works like magic to tuck in all the loose chunky bits, wearing it suffocates us, makes us uncomfortable, unexpectedly rolls out and creates a very visible line. Last but not least,  wearing Spanx require acrobatic skills when using the bathroom. But we still suck it in and do it anyway, cuz ain’t nobody got time for fat rolls!

So there you have it! The struggle is real for me and all the other curvy/ plus size girls out there but truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my body, wonderful curves and all, and ultimately I love ME.

Her curves aren’t a curse.

Her body’s a blessing.

Her thighs are thunder and her hips are heaven. 

To those of you who share the same kind of struggles or have other struggles that you want to share, do comment and we can have a chat!

 

 

 

 

 

Coffee and Beauty

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Since our work schedule has been pretty hectic lately, we decided to take a short break from the heat, traffic and deadlines to have an ice-cold Latte at our favourite café – the Kenny Hills Bakers. Of course, we agreed on just Iced Latte and no pastries! Ain’t nobody got time for sugar 😉

When we walked in, my husband and I were overtaken by the delicious smells of freshly baked bread and brewed coffee. It smelled heavenly! There are display cases filled with beautiful cakes and all kinds of treats. However, we kept to our word and did not succumb to the lovely smells. Super proud of ourselves!

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Just Iced Latte to beat the KL heat!

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My Coffee date

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On another note, I wanted to see what all that hype was about the new Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Foundation, so I got my hands on this cult beauty item to give it a try myself. So here I have on my face the foundation in the colour 2W2 RATTAN (warm / golden undertone). To date, I have tried this glorious foundation for about 3 times and so far, I am absolutely loving it! Here is my brief review of the product:

Claims

  • 24-hour staying power
  • Flawless. Matte. Covers imperfections with buildable medium to full coverage
  • Feels lightweight and comfortable
  • Oil-free. Controls shine
  • Non-acnegenic: won’t clog pores
  • Waterproof. Won’t run, rub off or smudge
  • Lasts in hot and humid weather
  • Won’t look grey on deeper skintones
Coverage
This product is described as a medium “buildable” foundation but personally, I think it is a full coverage foundation.  I used the foundation the first time with my beauty blender and the second time with my Zoeva Buffer Brush, and I preferred the end look using the beauty blender as my face looked more sheer and natural compared to the chalky look created by the buffer brush (below):

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Buffer brush end look. Didn’t quite like the end look 😦

Finish
This foundation is described as a matte product and this is a true fact – it actually dries down to a clean matte finish. In my opinion, I’d say this foundation is best for oily skin although all skin types could probably benefit from using it. As i am “blessed” with combination skin/oily T-zone, this foundation helps to keep all that grease from purging at bay even after a full day of humid air!

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Humid wind in my hair

Texture
When I first put the foundation on my hand before using my foundation tools, I noticed that the texture of this product is quite runny, so I had to be quick in applying it before it trickled down my hand. However, don’t let the texture discourage you as this product does not set quickly so you have some time to blend away. More importantly, with just one layer, I noticed my minor acne scars and red spots were well hidden.
“24 hours staying power” – yay or nay?
Estee Lauder claims it has a “24 hour staying power”. To be fair, KL is a humid place and I have oily skin, so I am going to weigh all those factors and review the product. The few times I used this product, I did notice a tiny bit of oil build-up at my nose and forehead area, but with just a tissue wipe, my face was as good as new.  Last weekend, I used this foundation on a (heavy) night out in town and to my pleasant surprise, my face did NOT look like a dead racoon when I got home at 5.30am (which usually happens with my other foundations – Fenty Beauty Pro Filt’r, Laura Mercier Flawless Fluide & Bobbi Brown Skin Foundation SPF15).
YAY!

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Staying matte – after 6 hours

Overall rating: 
Short and sweet – I am impressed! A good 8.5/10 from me!

5 ways to style your confidence

People who know me well would unanimously agree that I am a super laidback person when it comes to personal style. I used to still do end up choosing comfort over style and most of the time, dressing up would mean putting on a t-shirt, jeans and a pair of boring flats. I also used to play it safe by opting for all black, errrthing black as I was conditioned to think that I would look slimmer in dark clothings. Being bigger than a typical Malaysian girl also made me crazy insecure about dressing up because it was so effin hard to actually find something that fit and look fantastic on me at the same time!

On rare occasions when I did find something that fit perfectly and made me look good, I would have to bear the excruciating torture of being uncomfortable in that attire. I swear, I have had my share of sucking in my tummy the whole time and sitting down in a very awkward slant to avoid tearing the zipper apart! Due to the lack of confidence that stemmed from all the horrible experiences I have had, I managed to convince myself that I should just stick to my old & unshapely clothes.

It was only when I discovered the delightful world of curvy / plus size fashion that I realised how tough I was on myself for constantly being ashamed of my body! Watching beautiful curvy / plus size women doing all the things I had always wanted to do but was too ashamed to inspired me to make the change. I took baby steps to creep out of my comfort zone to try new styles, learnt tips and tricks to style my body shape and invested in clothes that made me look great.

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Currently, I am trying to live a life of wholesomeness (is this even a word?), find happiness in little things that matter and to be more body confident. So i thought, why not share my tips to inspire someone today!

Without further ado, here are 5 steps I took to help me find my style and feel more confident at the same time:

1. COMFORT vs TREND

With Instagram being the ultimate platform for fashion inspiration and latest trends, it is important to always remember that comfort is key to confidence. Personally, I could never wear those Instagram cult crochet bikini tops that barely cover anything (although i do own one, thanks to Instagram) because we don’t want no Tatas falling out now, do we?

On the other hand, does anyone else feel the same kind of affection for culottes as I do? Culottes was an accidental purchase that changed the way I thought about flared bottoms, having always heard fashion advice to stay away from split skirts as they enhance the hips and butt! Boy, were they wrong! Culottes not only looks great on Curvies, the added advantage of air flowing between your legs is just wonderful, especially in this humid heat!

LRG_DSC01932Jazz up your favourite plain top with a pair of floral culottes for a casual yet classy look

So yes, I am all for the latest trends and I encourage every person out there to experiment with new styles, get adventurous with colours and wear whatever the hell you want, just be comfortable in what you wear because there is nothing more awful than to see someone constantly tugging her mini skirt to keep it from riding up!

2. INSPIRE YOURSELF TO LOVE YOURSELF

This was a stepping stone for me to start loving myself and accepting my body. It was quite emotional for me as I realised that for years, I was doing so much harm to my personal wellbeing due to my weight issues. All the courageous interviews of curvy superstars like Ashley Graham allowed me to rethink the concept of beauty. Speaking of Ashley Graham, she is my numero uno in role models because she is not only a smokin’ hot size 16, she also exudes so much charisma that put other more popular models to shame!

ashley-graham.jpgAshley Grrrraham

For those of you who are struggling to find a way to love yourself unconditionally, go do some research. Find inspirational bloggers / influencers that you can relate to for their similarities and what you are looking for, follow them on social media, and enjoy getting inspired! Read on how they deal with their body / weight issues, how they dress their problem areas and most importantly, admire all the beautiful people that come in all shapes and sizes! I guarantee you will somehow feel better about yourself because personally, I began to feel like I was not alone anymore, dealing with all these big girl problems and that it was absolutely unnecessary for me to hate myself. Also, do yourself a huge favour and stop following social media pages and reading magazines that make you feel shit about yourself. Who has the time to flip through pages after pages of heavily airbrushed thin, vibrant, wrinkle and jiggle-free models anyway?!!

2. LOSE THE WEIGHT OR LOSE THE STYLE?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have stupidly induced rapid weight loss for so many reasons. In my pursuit of “perfection”, I once lost 2 dress sizes for a wedding, only to pile on double the weight after the function. Why, you may ask? Well, I loved the dress and I wanted to buy it for the occasion but the largest came in a size 12. So i bought the dress, starved myself silly and fit it eventually!

Was it worth it? at that time, yes! I spent all my efforts trying to achieve a thinner frame but the harsh consequences of me starving and keeping away from food led me to balloon up due to post starvation binge-eating. For years, I avoided buying nice clothes because I convinced myself I would slim down and would not be able to wear them anymore, leading further to a series of dissapointments when I did not achieve the weight loss.

To avoid being such a drama-mama like I was, please be kind to yourself and do not self-negotiate. Instead, reward yourself to the things you like for the simplest reasons (a job promotion or a successful goal achievement), go shopping with good friends or family who will motivate you to look and feel good, get something in your current size and not a size smaller or bigger. Lastly, convince yourself that you deserve nice things no matter what the size charts tell you! Keep in mind that life is too short for self-negotiations and that the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is investing in YOU.

4 . REPEAT AND RECORD FAVOURITE OUTFITS

Everyone has their own special / favourite outfits. When I find a favourite outfit, I will “spam” on it until it loses its shape and colour! All I am saying is, it is not a fashion crime if you repeat a particular style or outfit that looks good on you. If you have found your go-to style, such as putting on dresses that help elongate your body frame or wearing crop tops that show off that curvy torso, then go ahead and rock that look!

As for me, I am obsessed with comfortable outfits like jumpsuits and summer dresses, and, if given a choice, I would wear them everywhere! I am still experimenting with new styles that work for me and have yet to find more trendy outfits that complement my body shape. Invest in a good full sized mirror, take outfit selfies and pictures to help you get a better view of how you look in them. This not only helps to give you the positive boost you need before walking out the door, it is also a great way to archive the looks that make you feel and look amazing for future references!

5. WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”

~Shirley MacLaine

This one here is no picnic, y’all! It is the hardest part of making changes for yourself. However, it is not unachievable. With so many nosy people out there who have a million things to say about you, it is only fair that you learn to give less f***s about what they say and focus on yourself, right?

I am sure everyone out there has had to deal with unexpected negative comments. Here’s how I manage when I am faced with these unavoidable situations: I “throw away” negative thoughts in my daily journal before I sleep at night. This helps me “detox” all the bad thoughts I develop throughout my day. Alternatively, when interacting with a Negative Nancy who knows more about me than I do, I try to protect the positive space around me. If this weirdo’s negativity is intense, I usually choose to flight the situation. Note: It takes a lot of effort to master this skill and I am still learning to control that positive/negative vibe thing.

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Believe you can and you will

To conclude, confidence is something we build throughout time. Some of us take more time to build it and some are quicker at developing this trait. My dear friends, life is just too short for us to worry about what others think of us. If you are confronted by someone who tells you something hurtful, flash them your prettiest smile, and walk away. Nothing makes them more uncomfortable than a positive response to their hateful comments. Oh, last but not least, give yourself a pat on your back for keeping it cool and rising above these lowlifes!

Happy Tuesday, lovelies!

 

© COPYRIGHT 2018 CURVY KAUR. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

 

 

30 fun facts about me!

Hey there my beautiful friends!

I was contemplating for days whether to do a random “fun fact about me” post and I figured, hell yeah! It is fun to sit down and think of quirky bits about me. Also, a post like this may help my lovely readers get to know me a little more beyond pictures of me spreading love and positivity!

So let’s get started!

  1. Ever since i was a little girl, I had always dreamed of becoming a commercial aircraft pilot.
  2. My mum tagged along to give me support when I got my first tattoo at the age of 18.
  3. Airplanes and flying fascinate me.
  4. I love watching DIY videos, but I am ho-rri-ble at making anything from scratch.
  5. I can watch ratchet/stupid reality tv shows for hours. KUWTK woot woot!
  6. I finished my Piano course (Grade 8) but still don’t enjoy playing the instrument.
  7. I can’t live without my phone, deodorant, my glasses and Malaysian food.
  8. I am terribly awkward at small talk.
  9. Forever dilemma part I – to hug or to shake hands?
  10. Forever dilemma part II – one or both cheek air kiss?
  11. I am a class A Germaphobe. Get away from me E.Coli!
  12. I have a pretty deep cleft chin which gets quite a lot of attention.
  13. My embarrassing childhood crush was Peter Andre. I know, ew.
  14. I am easily distracted when engaged in a conversation because I have my own conversations in my head going on at the same time.
  15. Back in Form 4, I celebrated Diwali in hospital after being diagnosed with a severe  case of Dengue fever.
  16. I have a love-hate relationship with shopping malls.
  17. I have done quite a number of dances performances for events and weddings.
  18. Once, I randomly walked into a tattoo parlour in Perth and got a nape piercing, which I had removed before going for a surgery not long ago.
  19. No matter how hot the temp is, I need to sleep with a thick blanket / comforter.
  20. Edward Scissorhands was my ultimate favourite movie as a child.
  21. My actual name was supposed to be Jasmine but my Granddad insisted on naming me Narin.
  22. For the life of me, I cannot bake anything. Including easy-peasy Betty Crocker’s!
  23. Some of my bucket list includes skydiving, flying a small airplane, ski-ing down a snowy mountain, Coachella, building a happy place for all the abandoned and stray doggies, attempting G. Ramsay’s complicated scrambled eggs recipe because it looks legit delicious!
  24. I have trouble remembering things so I have 2 different apps on my phone to help me remember important dates and to-do’s.
  25. I love being in water and can swim play all day long. Err, wrinkly fingers excite me?
  26. I love love love eating anything with Nutella in it.
  27. My worst beauty mistake was going blonde. Thick black eyebrows and yellow-blonde long locks. Need it say more?
  28. Yes, I am a certified closet worry wart. I worry about everything and it annoys the closest people to me.
  29. Being a grown ass woman, I am still afraid to sleep in the dark alone.
  30. When i shop, I fill my basket up with tons of stuff. Along the way, I contemplate and take out unnecessary items one-by-one. I usually end up purchasing 2 out 25 items.

I enjoy knowing eccentric things about other people too. In fact, I would love to read some facts about my readers in the comment section as this would be a great way to get to know you guys a little bit! Go on now, tell me something crazy about you!

Have a blessed weekend, y’all!

© COPYRIGHT 2018 CURVY KAUR. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED